I am in a dark cave holding a flashlight. The beam of the flashlight is the circumference of my reality.
What moves the beam of attention? What are the thermodynamics of the flow of conscious awareness?
"Most people give their attention to what they don't like. Put your attention on what you love." (Adyashanti)
Recently I read an essay by David Foster Wallace called This Is Water that keeps coming back to mind. I had never heard of Wallace, but here is a one sentence description of him (written by David Lipsky):
"He published a thousand-page novel, received the only award you get in the nation for being a genius, wrote essays providing the best feel anywhere of what it means to be alive now, accepted a special chair to teach writing at a college in California, married, published another book, and hanged himself at age forty-six."*
Explaining his struggle with depression, at one point Wallace said, "I think I had lived an incredibly American life. That, 'Boy, if I could just achieve X and Y and Z, everything would be OK.' "
The essay by David Foster Wallace was the commencement speech he gave at Kenyon College in Ohio in 2005, three years before his suicide in 2008. It's one of the most lucid, honest, and penetrating essays I have ever read. One reviewer said that the essay is "like six Eckhart Tolle books rolled into one."
Here are some excerpts from Wallace's essay (with slight paraphrase).
"There is a blind certainty, a closed-mindedness that's like an imprisonment so complete that the prisoner doesn't even know he's locked up."
"A huge percentage of the stuff that I tend to be automatically certain of is, it turns out, totally wrong and deluded."
"It is extremely difficult to stay alert and attentive instead of getting hypnotized by the constant monologue inside your head."
"But it is possible to be conscious and aware enough to choose what you pay attention to...If you cannot or will not exercise this kind of choice in adult life, you will be totally hosed. Think of the old cliche about the mind being 'an excellent servant but a terrible master.' "
"I submit that the real value of education is supposed to be about: How to keep from going through life a slave to your head."
"Our own present culture has yielded the freedom to be lords of our tiny skull-sized kingdoms, alone at the center of all creation."
"But of course there are all different kinds of freedom, and the kind that is most precious you will not hear much talked about in the great outside world of winning and achieving and displaying. The really important kind of freedom involves attention and awareness."
"The alternative is unconsciousness, the default setting, the 'rat race'- the constant, gnawing sense of having had and lost some infinite thing."
"Real value has everything to do with simple awareness- awareness of what is so real and essential, so hidden in plain sight all around us."
Wallace describes a routine trip to the grocery store to illustrate in concrete terms what he is talking about.
Freedom of attention. This makes me wonder about the thermodynamics of attention. Thermodynamics is about the flow of energy, and attention is a kind of energy, for which we have not yet discerned the underlying dynamics.
What are the thermodynamics of attention? Is there a magnetic pull toward clarity? An attractive force towards truth? A gravitational tug of ego? An electromagnetic force field of love? More and more there is a noticing of the flow of attention- what captivates it- what frees it. What does it mean for awareness to be aware of its own presence? Life becomes an adventure in attention, as David Foster Wallace suggests.
(David Foster Wallace's commencement speech is highly recommended and can be read at this link:
http://moreintelligentlife.com/story/david-foster-wallace-in-his-own-words)
(* quote about Wallace is from Although of Course You End Up Becoming Yourself: A Road Trip With David Foster Wallace by David Lipsky, p. xv and p. 66)
(photo is from: http://zombiestories.files.wordpress.com/2009/06/light-beam.jpg)
~
Posts
43 comments:
Well...you can try and decide where to place your attention, conciously on love or consciously away from what you don't like, tweaking the unfolding story as much as possible, but even that can be mistaken...we don't know what's "good" for us, however many tomes we read for guidance. Every new idea for an expanded awareness is just a new idea for it. Each new and better idea is still limited by the imagination. Whatever seems to be happening, wherever the attention lies, that is what is happening, and that is where it lies. "You" can't get it "wrong".
I feel that trying to control attention can be exhausting, and a kind of drudgery. As you say "you can try and decide where to place your attention, consciously on love or consciously away from what you don't like, tweaking the unfolding story as much as possible, but even that can be mistaken..." It seems that trying to manipulate attention can easily become another trap, another chore, another ego trip.
Rather than strong-arming attention away from all those juicy, negative complaining thoughts, I wonder about a kind of heightened noticing or listening, that is fun and exciting...Perhaps a relaxing and dilating of awareness because open awareness feels better than constricted awareness.
In the essay Wallace talks about boredom and about worship, and his sincerity is piercing. My inner critical voice condemns my post in many ways, but at least part of what compelled me to post this is that I was so moved by the essay, and that the author had died by suicide. It makes me wonder...
Suzanne I appreciate your balancing and mind-opening comments, thank you.
"There is a blind certainty, a closed-mindedness that's like an imprisonment so complete that the prisoner doesn't even know he's locked up."
I love the way wallace explains the nature of mind.I really wondered about this but i couldn't really formulate in into words.Thanks for sharing this link.
All this is really making me wonder.Its really true from my experience on how caught up i was in mind,the thoughts were automatically taken as gospel truth without investigation.
There wasn't awareness of events but just conclusions based on my own conditioned mind.
I love the essay and its really brought out the questions i have been asking myself unconciously for so long.Thank you.
"tweaking the unfolding story as much as possible..." -- hopeless. It's utterly hopeless. A weird feeling of giving up after a bizillion years of practice. I just have to trust that 'all' is cool (or not-cool as Suzanne might say :) just as it is. Dispassion...whatever.
(The focus of) Attention is acceptance...or surrender...or whatever :) :O
XOXO
-Leslie
Hi Triza,
Yes, that which sees the mind is outside of the mind, beyond the mind. What is it that sees the conditioned mind?
I don't know, but whatever it is feels more like what I am than the conditioned mind.
Have you ever had that sense when you're in the middle of the blah-blah-blah of conditioned thought of being an imposter or fraud somehow?...I have, and now that seems actually helpful- a kind of hint that the voice-in-the-head is actually a kind of imposter, or at least, that it is not the deepest truth of who we are.
In your comment I feel the awareness that sees the conditioned mind but is not the conditioned mind.
It's always a pleasure to "see" you, reading your post wakes up a sense of investigation here too. Thank you.
Hi Leslie,
It's funny how liberating it is to be hopeless- but I know what you mean. Maybe hopelessness means giving up erroneous hopes that an "answer" is to be found through voyages of mind and time.
Dispassion is perhaps the wisdom of not taking our judgments for or against things over-seriously. There are so many perspectives- why get glued to any one window?
I'm glad to hear that you are feeling some relief and freedom from the age-old addiction to "a bizillion years of practice"- in reading your comment I also feel a knot untied and the joy of free fall into "I don't know!" Gratitude to you.
"...the joy of free fall into "I don't know!" -- Man-oh-man does that have a nice ring to it :)
Gratitude to you Colleen...this 'window' is a breath of fresh and singular air.
XOXO
-L.
Well - here's my two cents for what it's worth :)
It is my experience that bringing attention to, or following,inner "awareness" is different than putting focused mental attention on something external to us - throwing the light beam of mental attention out there. Stepping back from mental attention into what is internally aware - what is just awareing, just noticing, just seeing. Although I don't mean to be creating duality here, just observing the different qualities between thought attention and the flow of inner Awareness.
In Qi Gong they say that the flow of energy follows attention. So what if we just bring our awareness to the Awareness within, and just feel that flow of energy, and allow That to guide our attention... As in, where does Awareness want to go - type thing - and follow That dynamic flow... It seems once there is awareness of Awareness, we tap into this flow of Consciousness that just IS - the Tao.
The challenge I have found is to become aware that I am caught in the mental focus, and bring my awareness back to the stream of omnipresent Awareness, and follow That. The gift it seems, is simply seeing, simple awareness. Or as Wallace says: "The real value has to do with simple awareness of what is real..." - the dynamic Flow underneath it all...
Wonderful thought-provoking post, getting down to the Real :)
A 'bare' attention always seems more joyful than the rigid attention of(a)me. Maybe the bare attention doesn't want or know anything as it
'just is'.
My vote is for bare(ness) :)
xoxo
"...throwing the light beam of mental attention out there." What we hold in attention is what our 'life' will be, seems to be true. So last night I found myself 'throwing the mental attention out there' -- just like you said. Drove myself nuts. In fact I couldn't drum anything up so I felt even more forelorn...if that is possible. As though any hope...even in imagination...was gone.
Hi Christine,
Thank you very much for your insightful comments, which are clearly based on your experience. Our own experience is the source of wisdom, and all the teachings, books, and blogs are ideally just bridges to our own lived and experienced wisdom. Although sometimes this can "back fire" and all the books can alienate me from my own wisdom- at least this has been the case for me at times.
It seems the semantics can get a bit confusing- attention, awareness, consciousness, etc. I heard that in Tibet there are twelve different words for awareness. What I hear in your comment Christine is distinguishing betwee thought attention and the flow of awareness.
"...once there is awareness of Awareness, we tap into this flow of Consciousness that just IS - the Tao." It seems that awareness of Awareness is another dimension of awareness than awareness of objects (including mind objects such as thoughts and feelings). I'm interested in becoming more conscious of the flow of awareness, how attention "sticks" to some things, and the tension that results from mental fixations.
Thanks very much for your comments Christine.
Hi Leslie,
I also find bare attention more joyful than the rigid attention of a me. Bare attention is effortless, it just happens by itself. Just like folks tend to rarely notice their breathing even though it is always there, we also tend to rarely notice the effortless presence of awareness that is also here. This effortless awareness, so easily overlooked, seems to have an inherently peaceful qualtiy to it.
You describe "throwing the attention out there" just like I described in the post, and how this drove you nuts and caused feelings of forlornness and hopelessness. I can see how the post does have a quality of "here are some instructions to follow in order to get to a better place." My bad! It was a nutty day and I was tending to my husband as he recuperated from knee surgery, and a thousand other things, and it would have been good to refrain from the impulse to post a blog.
My intention in posting a blog is not teach anyone anything, it's just to share whatever comes up in the moment. But likely my ego has other ideas and some preachy stuff comes through- please forgive me. I trust your inner wisdom totally to be with you and guide you. Thank you very much for your comments Leslie, they definitely help me to see more clearly.
I really enjoyed reading David Foster Wallace's essay. It is mind boggling that he committed suicide three years after delivering that commencement speech. I like how you sum up your post at the end, "Life becomes an adventure in attention, as David Foster Wallace suggests."
My favorite part of your post however, was the Adyashanti quote towards the beginning, "Most people give their attention to what they don't like. Put your attention on what you love." (I might want to use that on my blog sometime.) :)
Years ago, during a difficult time in my life, I recall taping up signs around the house to remind myself to "focus on the good things." I think it helped, even though ultimately we probably don't control our thoughts. Who knows though...when it's promoting love or peace, maybe consciousness is moving the beam of attention.
Hi Diane,
I'm glad you enjoyed the essay by David Foster Wallace- it really touched some deep place in me, and I don't think standing in the check out line at the grocery store will ever be quite the same for me.
What I like about life being an adventure in attention, or an adventure in consciousness, is that it takes the emphasis off "content" and puts it on the life force itself- the sheer fact of existence and being aware of anything at all is what is so remarkable.
When I read the Adyashanti quote, it struck me that attention does seem to gravitate to "what I don't like." Without really realizing it, I'd spend a lot of time contemplating what I didn't like about my life and how it should be different (i.e. "I should weigh less, clean the house more, not have so much to do everyday, have more to offer than just pills to people who are suffering, etc.). That's the "default setting" of awareness, Wallace would say. Just noticing this fixation on "what I don't like" effects an uncontrived shift in attention to less pain-producing preoccupations. It seems to be a natural process of waking up out of the dream of painful thoughts.
I truly appreciate your comments Diane, and all the comments, thank you.
Hi Colleen, interesting post and discussion. I agree that semantics is a factor here.
It may be helpful to maintain that 'attention' is a feature of the phenomenal universe. It is something apparent, a kind of movement towards something (and therefor relative).
'Awareness' (especially capitalized) can be a pointer to or symbol for Noumenon (also capitalized), which then seems to mean Absolute, or "This which IS."
Of course, ultimately attention and Awareness are not-two. As Wei Wu Wei wrote,
Noumenon, after all, is what phenomenality IS
And all that relativity IS---is Absolute.
BTW, Wayne Liquorman also uses the term 'default state', but for him it has no negative connotation. As I recall, it's closer to my pointer, "All there ever IS - is whatever is."
This is such a true comment by Suzanne..."tweaking the unfolding story as much as possible, but even that can be mistaken...we don't know what's "good" for us, however many tomes we read for guidance."
I've been reading several blogs for guidance (about my Guidance :) for some time. One evening when I was reading Suzanne's post of 12/20/09...right where she says..."And then, just move on. Live your life with all your apparent tools. Stop identifying with being a seeker, because you know there’s no such thing…you are awareness, and you accept that." ...there came the stirring of my Self -- right in my heart -- as if to say "Ahem...this part is NOT for you!!!"
So there you have it! We read all these lovely blogs but, bottom line, there is only One 'thing' that really knows what is 'good' for us. God help me that I 'hear'It.
XOXO
-Leslie
Hi Tom,
It's great to read your messages. What pops up now in response is... oneness and multiplicity- they are not two- as noumenon and phenomenon are not two- and the absolute and the relative are not two. And awareness and attention are not two. It's all the same thing (no-thing)- but isn't it just wonderful? Paradox bursts the seams of the logical mind, and what is not-understandable (not-twoness, non-duality), somehow makes more sense than anything else.
Even semantics, confusion, suffering, are somehow part of the fun, part of the miracle...
Even any sense of "not-OK"-ness is part of the seamless, vast OK-ness of the whole.
Thanks much for your presence and comments here Tom.
Hi Leslie,
That's a great quote from Suzanne's blog, thanks for sharing it. And also the quote from her comment here saying, "...we don't know what's "good" for us, however many tomes we read for guidance." This is humbling...I see now it is a kind of arrogance for me to assume I know what is "good" for me (or for anyone else for that matter). How many unconscious and unquestioned assumptions are brewing around in me! It's always a revelation to glimpse this...And thanks to you bringing up these words from Suzanne to contemplate more carefully, I realize that assuming that I know what is good for me or anyone else is an error.
This seems to be another case where "not knowing" is joyful. I don't know what is good for me...but I trust the universe to unfold according to the highest good of all. I'm with you Leslie in wanting to open my inner ear to direct contact with truth (and not to get too focused outwardly on all the outer voices in tomes and blogs). Thanks very much for your comments!
XOXO,
Colleen
Hi Colleen, I agree it is all miraculous, to be appreciated (if/when possible). Yes, no "thing" is left "out".
Hi Colleen,
"This seems to be another case where "not knowing" is joyful. I don't know what is good for me...but I trust the universe to unfold according to the highest good of all." -- Music to my ears! Arrogance on this blog/post?!?!? You have GOT to be kidding...what appears is a very clear & spotless mirror. Deep, deep thanks to you, Chrisine & Suzanne and countless others as he One.
XOXO
-Leslie
...thanks for the comments, I love the dialogue.
"Rather than strong-arming attention away from all those juicy, negative complaining thoughts, I wonder about a kind of heightened noticing or listening, that is fun and exciting...Perhaps a relaxing and dilating of awareness because open awareness feels better than constricted awareness."
In my experience, this "heightened noticing or listening" is something that happens for a time, but it is meant to lead somewhere, namely, to a point where you can shut off the voice completely. It may crop up occasionally (and lightly) after that but it can't take you over for more than a moment or two. This doesn't seem to be something that Wallace understood. If you allow that voice to continue it's babbling, never dis-identifying from in completely, your "nows" are not much improved and you end up no better off, unable to concur demons like anxiety and depression.
Hi Todd,
Disidentification from thought, dis-identifying from the voice-in-the-head, seems to be the heart of the matter, as you point out. In many (and perhaps all) cases of suicide, the voice-in-the-head is what drives it to occur. (This is not to discount or argue with the notion that there is a biological mental illness called depression that afflicts some people, it just seems that in addition to whatever neurochemical imbalance characterizes clinical depression, there is also a painful thought process, a painful-voice-in-the-head, that is strongly identified with).
Tolle was on the threshold of suicide, and at this point of extremis, a disidentification (or severing of identification) with the voice-in-the-head (i.e. the ego) occurred.
Perhaps Wallace was at a similar point of extremis...
Thanks so much for your valuable comments Todd. There seems to be a huge reluctance to disidentifying from the thought process...we become very attached to the false sense of self generated by the voice-in-the-head. We tend to love our misery, love the sad stories told by thought...and that keeps us hooked into and identified with thought...
I'm glad you've been able to let go of idenitification with thought. I have moments of such freedom, but at times I tend to get lost in taking all the stories very seriously...The waking up energy gets stronger as I read your comments. Thank you.
Thanks for referencing me peeps, but I'd just like to remind everyone that I have NO IDEA what I'm talking about and I don't know what's "good" for anyone either! That said, the unfolding...whatever it is that life seems to be doing...however awareness or Awareness is or is not directed...however confusing it is, untangling and recognising the assumptions and conditioning that seem to be a part of us...it all be cool.
An image of a bird peeking its way out of the shell comes to mind...And another image of nails hammering a door shut comes to mind. Sometimes all the "practices" seem to be nails shutting one further into the delusion of ego. At other times the life impulse to engage in noticing attention and unraveling the thought strands might be the action of the chick breaking out of the shell.
No one can tell us that what we're doing (or not doing) is "right" or "wrong"...Well, maybe lots of people (well meaning but ultimately clueless) will judge our approach to life as wise or deluded.
And I guess I've very much wanted wise people to give me directions for how to live. God knows I've searched frantically in books forever.
But it's finally dawning that trusting my inner sense is, indeed, the bottom line. No one can do it for me, no one can give me the answer...I've avoided this level of autonomy, but the only way to enter the innate power is to go into that self-trust. That's what comes home when I read your comment. Thank you Suzanne. Indeed, it all be cool.
"But it's finally dawning that trusting my inner sense is, indeed, the bottom line. No one can do it for me, no one can give me the answer...I've avoided this level of autonomy, but the only way to enter the innate power is to go into that self-trust. " -- YES!! AND there can still be this incessant visiting of all these wonderful blogs and, even in their (supposed) variation, they can oddly pull you further into that 'self-trust'. Maybe because the 'answer'...the inner heart trust...gets activated (or not-activated) upon reading.
XOXO
-Leslie
The best "teachings" connect us with that inner "lamp unto oneself", well said Leslie- thank you!
Hi Colleen and friends:
A number of my friends are in emotional crisis situations and this great quote your shared is so helpful.
"Most people give their attention to what they don't like. Put your attention on what you love." (Adyashanti)
What we love most is our
Self and the redirection one's attention to our essential asset is curative.
Aloha,
Alton
"What we love most is our Self and the redirection of one's attention to our essential asset is curative."
Yes, opening awareness beyond the confines of the superficial mental-self to our deeper Self is the true source of healing. What we most love- our Self (the one Self that connects us all)- attracts our awareness. Thank you for your comments Alton. Aloha, Colleen
Thank you so much for this blog, Colleen. My son, home from his first year of college, and I were talking about his experiences and frustrations...I'm hoping I can get him to read this!
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