A Window is Where the Wall is Absent

The life impulse to express and to connect arises in me and in all of us. This blog is a celebration of these life impulses. Please feel free to join in the conversation or to just visit. There is a Family Photo Album beneath the posts so you can "meet" my family and I. Welcome!

Monday, September 20, 2010

Unglued



Unglued is an apt term, and often, a good thing.

I came unglued during some drama with my family yesterday. My upset-button got pushed, not by my family, but by my believed thoughts. 

Un-gluing is painful, like birth pangs, the birth of openness, the birth of nothingness, the void.

My self-image was threatened and a cascade of protective measures shot into action in the form of blaming, accusing, projecting, shouting, arguing. Protecting what? Protecting the cherished idea in the head of who I am. Protecting the image in the mind's mirror.

Unglued, pulled apart, taken off the pedestal in my own mind. Who do I think I am?

Today there's some fasting, some thought fasting. There's a part of me that is sick-unto-death-of-thoughts-about-me. 

Those me-thoughts clunk themselves out, self-reflection is an old habit, but at least I'm a bit unglued from the insanity in my head.
And I've apologized to my family, both in spoken and written words, and my apology is real, and I wish to make repairs and amends however I can, and life goes on.  And I hope the thought-structures of the imagined egoic identity become more unglued in the usual bumps and bruises of daily living.

Let all the bombs be inside of me not outside of me and let them blow away delusion.





~



6 comments:

Tim Goulding said...

I love your bravery and honesty Colleen. I have such a predilection for the good and blissful times, the hard ones are hard to accept but 'there is gold in them there hills' and I feel you are mining it all the time
x Tim

Colleen Loehr said...

Thanks Tim, and I love your expression 'there is gold in them there hills.' Happy mining.

Mary said...

Great Post Mom! Really thought stopping/starting! Loved it! Mary

Mary said...

I love you Mom. Of course I forgive you for everything and I hope you can forgive me too. Mary

Colleen Loehr said...

XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXO
Love you Mary,
Mom

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