A Window is Where the Wall is Absent

The life impulse to express and to connect arises in me and in all of us. This blog is a celebration of these life impulses. Please feel free to join in the conversation or to just visit. There is a Family Photo Album beneath the posts so you can "meet" my family and I. Welcome!

Tuesday, January 26, 2010

"A ward on fire..."

Today I woke up in a puddle of myself. The strange lust for revenge: what does it satisfy?

At loose ends, unsure what to do with myself, startled by a sudden gap in the schedule. From here it is clear that all the frantic scurrying around was to avoid this very spot.

"Like amnesiacs on a ward on fire
we must find words or burn." Olga Bromoff

How many times have I fallen back into the mind after a few brief instants on the lip of clarity? I pull myself out of the broth of past and future, fear and craving, only to slip back into the soup again.

Attention orbits on the cruel circuit of self-centeredness, trapped in an invisible gravitational pull. Open space is unnoticed.

2 comments:

roseduncan said...

I'm wondering about self centeredness . . .is anyone not self centered? Or self interested? Went to see a comedian do stand up and he had a whole riff on this that I loved. When I ask you how you are, all I want to hear is "fine." Don't actually tell me. That's what we do to ourselves too, rant and rave and yet we don't listen, we hear a lot of white noise, but I don't think we actually listen. Listening means having to change.

Colleen Loehr said...

Sometimes self-centeredness feels like a prison, and altruism or other-centeredness feels phoney or co-dependent...so what else is there? Then I feel like there are layers of self, and the surface layers have more superficial preoccupations, and the deeper layers are more interested in truth and other worthwhile things. Since I can't escape my self-centeredness, maybe if I least move from surface self to deeper self, that entrapment won't be so bad. Way down deep we recognize our commonality, and self-concern and other-concern are not at odds. I'd be interested in the comic who spoofs how self-centered we are- it does seem built-in- and laughing at our human absurdities lightens the load. Is the comedian on youtube? Listening- true listening- and self-honesty seem very different than the me-me-me of the voice in the head.

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